We Standardized a Zoo

We Standardized a Zoo

December 7, 2011

I took a trip to the zoo this weekend.  I was HIGHLY disappointed with the outcome of my visit. 

I am not an expert on the care of various animals, their habitats, nutritional needs, mating patterns, or special abilities.  However, I feel the need to push my unfounded beliefs on zoo organizations, and begin a movement of standardization of all animals, in order to optimize my experience each time I visit.

First of all, why are the different breeds separated into different areas?  I got a sense that the kangaroo family felt singled out because they couldn't hop around with the prowling lions.  How hard would it be to put all of the animals in the same area?  Zookeepers should be capable of maintaining all the beastly needs of each breed within the same habitat.  I never went to zookeeper school, or managed the care of an African safari, but I feel that it is my right as a taxpaying citizen to expect this of zoos.

Next, why hasn't anyone been teaching the monkeys to fly?  If the California Condor can fly, then it should be equally expected of the Pygmy Marmosets as well.  And seeing as the zoo employees are provided with a substantial amount of financial compensation, there is no need to provide any additional funding for these additional instructional services.

Additionally, it is my expectation that all zoo employees are expected to be experts in all areas of animal care, including my pet's.  This includes nutritional needs, healthcare, and housetraining of my dog.  I should not have to do the work myself when there are organizations out there to do it for me.

Finally, I believe that I should have the sole responsibility of implementing these standards.  Again, I have no experience in zoo maintenance, animal care, or organizational finance.  I will decide what employee training is given.  I will decide how to maintain the the facilities.  I will decide how to assess the expectations.  I will decide the standards that are set, and which workers get to retain their jobs when the standards are not met.

It will be assumed that all of these standards are met, at a 100% pass rate, by the year 2020.

NO ANIMAL LEFT BEHIND!